9/14/06
Well, if you don’t mind some advice from the old lady, and even if you do mind…I’ve been there a couple of times. So here goes. Online or offline, it’s bit like interviewing prospective employees.

Bearing in mind that people will tell you what they think you want to hear (if they have any brains at all). Men looking to “date”, are all really after one thing, at least at the outset. And if they can get that one thing without too much fuss, expense, committment, or effort, well fuckinfanTASTic!

OK now that I have got my cynical condemnation of 50% of the population off my chest, not all men are evil, two dimensional sex fiends. Some may even be looking for a loving committed relationship, or at least some reciprocal romantic friendship.

So back to the interview. You need to ask leading questions. Do not ask anything that can be answered in a simple yes no fashion, and ask questions that they will have a hard time lying about. Depending on how forthcoming they are, you can then systematically eliminate the losers, and I would say it’s OK to carry on a email conversation for a least a little while before meeting them. If they can get through that they may even be worthy of meeting in a mutually agreed upon public place, with lots of people, during the day, if at all possible, for a non-alcoholic beverage. No meal, no other entertainment. Not for the first meeting. You meet. You talk. Period. If you want to stay for a meal fine, but you don’t have to commit to one right off the bat. That way if they are really icky, you can take your leave without any excuses. “Whoops! Look at the time! Gotta run!”

Leading questions: Hmm. The possibilities are endless. I’d say if there is something in their bios you find interesting, or strange, or smells funny…start there.

Always ask about their past relationships with women. Always ask, “Why did it end?”
Then there are the big things that I think we tend to not ask for I don’t know what reason:
What is your life’s goal? How do you feel about religion, children (as in procreating), politics, money, etc.?? And It’s really good to use the “How do you feel about…? query rather than, “What do you think…?” Because it tends to get people to be more honest. Some people have a hard time tapping into the feeling issues, and not to stereotype, but maybe, especially men.

Most guys are seriously in-touch with their inner horndog though, and most will be pretty honest about that if asked point blank. If you decide to take a date past coffee, I think it’s absolutley OK to ask about those kinds of things too. STDs are not a cool thing to share. And statistics show that something like 70% of people have had or do have at least one.

Oh yeah. Married men. They are out there. In spades. And they are hard to ferret out at least at first. (or they may not be married but in a relationship none the less). How can you tell? You probably can’t right off. But they may slip up, keep your ears and eyes open. If your prospective date is married, he will want to take you places away from the area where he lives. He won’t give you his home phone number, or his work number, or tell you where he lives or works (generally). You won’t meet any of his friends. If you have any doubts, these are things to push for. And should you get resistance, be insistent, then decide. If he is a married person, and therefore a lier, he’s a cad and a cheat and deserves whatever you can dish out. Oops. OK, me bitter. Don’t worry, I’m sure if you confine your search to younger men this won’t be an issue. Still, forewarned and all that.

You did ask specifically about juggling though didn’t you? I think it’s honest and perfectly OK to say from the outset that you have got several repsonses and you are communicating with several people and you may even meet several people before you decide to actually “date” someone i.e.: more than once or twice. If the fellow is so posessive and insecure that he can’t handle this, then that’s a pretty good reason to eliminate him anyway. Tell him that you expect he’s doing exactly the same. Then when you do decide to date someone more or less exclusively, it think you should tell them that too. After all you might expect and desire that it be mutual… and his reaction to at news would be equally revealing.

All that said, you need to be just as honest and forthcoming to his queries. Don’t tell him what he wants to hear. Tell him the truth. If he’s worth seeing, this will get you the deisired result. If you sugar coat your responses (yeah I don’t think that’s your issue is it?) you’ll run the risk of prolonging something not worth prolonging.

Good luck, take care and have fun. Don’t take it seriously, until it gets serious…and that should be down the road a piece anyways.

Giving advice is always so much easier than hearing it. I know.

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